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Uncle Josh Checks in with the Alternate Uncles

It’s been a while since I checked in with my alternate universe Joshes. Hearing that Google was deleting old GMail accounts, and knowing that I picked up this email address the day GMail went live, it’s one of the first, and as a generic address it is quite popular with anyone last name English whose first initial is J. That accounts for most of the 4,390 emails I have sitting over there, so let’s see what I’ve been up to;

  • I am still following the health of a priest or monk in White Plains, New York. This same person has also included me on death notices for folks I do not know. Sorry about your loss, Alternate Josh.
  • While pretending to be Julie, I have agreed to buy property in Decatur GA. The loan officer seems happy.
  • Apparently, as Jen, I’ve been to Sweden, and am expected back in Vancouver BC any time now, where I can sort out labor problems at a vinyard. I think this is spam, actually.
  • I’m going tenting in Virginia. The tent is 30′ by 30′. That’s pretty big.
  • I won a party at chain nightclub in Houston Texas.
  • I am getting emails in Spanish about the “largest industrial holding Russian producer of high civil and military technology.” Still.
  • I have missed my interview for a Commercial Portfolio Manager III position with Fifth Third bank in Chicago. These are the emails I really hate to see. Clearly someone really needed to see this, but this Alternate Josh doesn’t look all that often.
  • ACK! Teddy missed a playdate with Wil at somebodeys pool! I don’t know who Teddy is, of course.
  • I also missed a chance to play “Gawf” with the guys.
  • I drive a Kia, but one of me drives a Toyota, and has missed an appointment in Arlington Texas.

And this is just the mail that made it into the inbox. There’s 4000 more or so but I won’t bother. But, this being GMail, I have three other sections to check out. Other highlights include an insurance policy in Markham, Ontario, Canada, and I guess one of me moved to England because I’m getting offers in pounds, now, and discussions about tea.

The most amazing thing is there are very few sex-related emails in this. I’m getting daily updates from “Filthy over Fifty” which I’ve never even heard of (but it is British, and boy are they explicit in their emails), but these are much nicer emails than I’m getting from Golf Digest. I have 29 thousand emails in that folder alone.


Uncle Josh Checks in with the Alternate Uncles was originally published on Uncle Josh Talks Too Much